we have pet lesbian snakes
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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