all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize