I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
