My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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