just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
So many bounce houses so little time
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize