the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
