Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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