It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize