porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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