so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
