It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
