I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
