Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
