too bad you live with your parents still
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
we're making bets on your personal life
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize