He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
