I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
