this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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