I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
