Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
