I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
