New low: just hacked my moms facebook
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
