OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
