i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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