Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just threw up on my dentist
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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