At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
