she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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