i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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