smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
