ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
