You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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