Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
