Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I enjoy the company of your penis
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
