cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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