if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
