Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
