I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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