I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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