before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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