never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
