When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
