I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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