I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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