smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
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