people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
