I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
