My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
