I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
