sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize