Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
