So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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