I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize