a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
