The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
