I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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