Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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