Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
