paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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