i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
