my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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