He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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