she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
