One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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