I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
