I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I supernannyed him into submission
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
