3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
