Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
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