he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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