Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
