I faked an abortion last night.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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