I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
