Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
