My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
