I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
