If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
